Operators Manual

INVENTORY NOTE: DEAD CLOWN PLATE ROOM BACK STOCK. REASON: “CONDITIONAL ACCEPTED. COULD BE LESS FUN.” ALSO: GPOY

INVENTORY NOTE: DEAD CLOWN PLATE ROOM REJECT. REASON: “TOO REALISTIC.” UNEXPLAINED NOTE ON BACK: “COME HOME TO DADDY, LITTLE TIMMY.”

FOUND IN THE SUPPLY CLOSET OF A MYSTERIOUSLY FAILED BUSINESS VENTURE

SCIENTISTS CONCLUDED THERE WAS DIGITAL MANIPULATION, HOWEVER DEBATE RAGES ON THE INTERNET

FINAL PAGE OF A MYSTERIOUSLY INCOMPLETE TOP-SECRET REPORT

INVENTORY NOTE: DEAD CLOWN PLATE ROOM REJECT. REASON: “TOO UPLIFTING.” SEE NOTE ON REAR OF PLATE, UNEXPLAINED: “LITTLE TIMMY’S ADVENTURES CONTINUE.”

NSA TRANSCRIPT: FIRST CELL PHONE CONVERSATION

Voice 1: I’m calling you… from my car!

Voice 2: What?

Voice 1: (garbled) my fucking car! Seriously! It’s the fu-(garbled)

Voice 2: (speaking to someone else) Says he’s calling from a jar? Doesn’t even make sense.

INVENTORY NOTE: DEAD CLOWN PLATE ROOM REJECT. REASON: “TOO CHEERFUL.”

FINAL IMAGE FROM A ROLL OF FILM LABELED ‘LITTLE TIMMY’S ADVENTURES’

From a strangely yellowed fragment of text, could not be scanned

Unseal the hatch. If you hear a whimpering or moaning from within, unholster your Taser Bear and tickle him around the button nose; this primes him for use. Open the hatch and shine your flashlight within. If the Cheetah Clowns have eaten all the Juggalos the cycle is complete. If they have not one of them will be more likely to attack. If this occurs you must use your Taser Bear like a lover uses past indiscretions. CAUTION: Full Cheetah Clowns are still difficult asshole Cheetah Clowns and obviously, quite fast. Remain frosty, funky Jim.